Everything You Wanted to Know About Emerging From the Spiritual Closet
After my spiritual awakening I began to question the beliefs I grew up with. I found that my spirituality had evolved and I no longer resonated with a version that sat comfortably with the confines of a pre-determined box. However, as someone who attended a religious private school in my formative years, I was terrified of being judged, shamed and rejected for this inner transformation. I felt this excruciating rift within myself. The desire to stay true to myself and announce this shift in identity was at war with the insistent voice within that urged me to keep it a secret. As a textbook people pleaser, I would do anything to avoid disappointing my family and friends. And I thought that being a modern mystic and believing in things like healing crystals, energy healing, shamanism and astrology would be too much for my loved ones to handle.
I think that part of this irrational fear was a carry-over from a past life where I was persecuted for being a witch. Note that I use the term “witch” quite loosely, as I interpret it to mean a wise woman whose knowledge of the old ways, such as herbal medicine, gave her a kind of power. A power which the people of the time were threatened by and fearful of, leading to desperate attempts to strip it from them by any means necessary. If you are an awakened empath you may identify with the persecution wound- the fear that you will be persecuted for your beliefs, ostracized, or labeled as a fraud. It is the reason that many women today have throat chakra blockages that are still in need of healing. Our voices are vitally important, they lend us power and it is time to reclaim them and speak our truth. That is why I am here writing to you today, despite my doubts and misgivings.
Eventually I reached a breaking point in which no longer living in alignment with my truth as an empath and energy healer became too much for my soul to bear. I was shrinking myself to stay small, dimming my light to accommodate others and make them feel more comfortable. But that is not what I was put on this Earth to do in this lifetime. I have to face my fears and be true to who I am, who I had become.
What if they reject me?
I began by sharing my metamorphosis with (close) family who were open-minded and accepting. I am so lucky to be the recipient of their unconditional love as I know not everyone is blessed in this way. Then I started telling my friends, who didn’t necessarily “get it” or care to learn more about it, but they have been supportive which I’m incredibly grateful for. And I’ve made new friends, fellow healers and intuitives, who inspire me with their courage. There are family members who are a little wary of what I do. But you know what? That’s okay. It’s a lesson in learning to let go. I can’t control their reactions or how they feel about it and it’s not my responsibility to make them happy. I know in my heart that what I do is out of love for others and a desire to be of service.
Two years have gone by since that initial leap and I still feel like I am learning to be more comfortable with this vulnerable part of myself in the public arena. Not everyone in my life knows, and not everyone who has found out about it has been supportive, but not one has rejected or shamed me either. None of my worst fears have come to fruition. The most common reaction is a compartmentalization response, a polite “oh, that’s nice,” followed by a change in topic- which is fine by me. I don’t need curiosity or validation, I am ultimately hoping for acceptance.
Believe it or not, new acquaintances trip me up the most because I don’t know whether to respond to the inevitable, “So, what do you do?,” inquiry with the socially acceptable response of “personal growth blogger” or the risky but more accurate response, “energy healer.” Both are true of course, but one of them is more easily received than the other. The more I grow the less scared I am by what others might think of me. In fact, I think I would be doing a disservice by not spreading the word about reiki. Ultimately, I do feel a responsibility to educate people because many are not aware of what it is. And if someone hadn’t been brave enough to tell me about it, I wouldn’t have the privilege of living my purpose.
If you feel crippled by the witch wound or an underactive, throat chakra, it’s okay, I’ve been there too. It is something that will gradually heal over time. I know it can feel very scary to share your gifts with loved ones out of fear they might reject you. But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. The world is in desperate need of your voice, your words and your mission. You words have the power to change lives. Speak your truth, even if it’s little by little. Living in alignment with who you are is a radical act of self love. Don’t sacrifice that to make others feel more comfortable. I am standing alongside you and so are countless others.
